Etiquette.....Netiquette....Now we have Library etiquette from Letus B. Bookish and Emily Post-it.

1. When exiting a Library one should not attempt to hide materials in bags or under a shirt. In addition to causing unsightly bulges, increasing pressure on ones shoulders from guilt, etc. it is just not polite to not allow materials to be tracked so that they can be returned for others and Miss Bookish and Miss Post-it find it very impolite.

2. One should not attempt to use their creative juices on Library materials by underlining, coloring, cutting and pasting books and other materials. While Miss Bookish and Miss Post-it thoroughly enjoy artistic expression and have been known to exercise a bit of it themselves, such activities may not receive their full appreciation by other Library patrons who need to use the materials.

3. Miss Post-it and Miss Bookish understand that new Library patrons might be confused by the sight of coffee bars and such in Libraries. However, proper society dictates that there is still a clear distinction between the local bar and the Library. Activities appropriate in a bar such as rowdiness, dancing on tables, using foul language, yelling out smoking cigars, using spittoons, and belching loudly are still not the proper decorum for a Library setting.

4. Although you may find the Library staff quite attractive, as in all places, it is inappropriate to stalk them or act in a threatening manner toward them. This would also include when the staff does not respond in a way that you wish, such as waiving your $70 overdue fine. It is not appropriate to threaten them with bodily harm. Just remember they have followed the Golden Rule and have not attempted to threaten you with bodily harm.

5. Miss Post-it and Miss Bookish realize that on a college campus there is a lot of stress. We also are highly in favor of relieving the stress with a LARGE piece of chocolate and a mega Cafe Mocha Latte. However, the Library is not a cafeteria or Internet cafe. Water is always a good substitute for the cravings while in the Library. It will also help hydrate your body and give you a glowing complexion.

6. It is not appropriate to offer your Library staff a drink of your alcoholic beverage. Some days they may not give you the drink back. This would be an unpleasant situation for all concerned.

7. Even though the Library is not a bar, just like in all public settings, there will be those that are obnoxious. It is appropriate and thoroughly proper to notify the Library staff member on duty of such behavior.

8. Just as we said above, it is not appropriate at any time to threaten a Library staff member. It is also not appropriate to carry weapons into the Library. It is especially not appropriate to threaten the Library staff with one. Not only is this an illegal activity which would cause you to have to wear some ghastly colored and often ill fitting outfit provided by the state, but also keep in mind that the Library staff may have blunt objects and things with points that could do damage to you too. Depending on the day their following of the Golden Rule may be hindered when threatened.

9. Although Miss Bookish and Ms. Post-It do appreciate your love of culture and your social activism, other Library patrons may not share the same level of these that you do. It would probably be better to use headphones unless approached and asked to share in your musical experience. Please share your pamphlets and flyers about the latest rally with the Library Director and do not be offended if he does not share the same level of activism that you do. This provides you a chance to share your ideas with him and to see what you will be like in another twenty years.

10. Miss Bookish and Ms. Post-it find the Library to be an excellent place to meet new and exciting people when not wanting to have the added experience that a bar and a good margarita offer. Perhaps your hormonal urges, although thoroughly appropriate and understandable when in the presence of such a good looking Library Director and Library staff, should be reigned in. It is very appropriate to talk quietly and especially say hi to anyone in the Library. Also, perhaps the desire to create intimate areas of your own by rearranging furniture should be done in ones own home. Agreed most Library decor has been created by some dreadful person who did well with designing rooms in other state and federal institutions, please restrain the urge to change it. For some reason, known only to the Library staff it is entirely appropriate to have it this way.

The Library is a wonderful and yet sometimes confusing place. Miss Bookish and Ms. Post-it hope that these few simple ideas will enhance your next Library experience.